The woman stares off into space. The foreign language around her meshing into a blur of noises. It was like music from a new instrument. She wonders if they can tell how lost she feels. Absolutely adrift, not knowing what to do with her hands, her face, her words. Her one comfort is the movement of her feet as she walks.
Are the people who help her at her stops frustrated with her? Do they scorn her lack of French? She remembers how easily frustrated she has found herself with foreigners in her job in America. The echo of “Why don’t they just learn English?” Echoes in her own head. So many people told her she would be fine because “everyone speaks English”. She knew they were incorrect then, and she is now experiencing how untrue that statement actually is.
Do they see just how lost she feels? How hard she works to accept her deficiency. How she wishes she had spent more time learning French. Maybe this is okay though, it’s minimalist conversation, or really none. She’s silent to the world, but so loud in her head. Her soul sings a mantra about being okay. Her heart is so uncertain. There is no option to return home at this point. The only option she gives herself is to move forward.
She takes a bus and a train then finds herself at the edge of a river, lost in the sound of the ukulele she is playing. She plays and plays losing track of her anxiety, the foreignness around her, and eventually the time. She races against the clock she forgot to find the final train. She makes it on right in time and can rest her mind, assured she gets off at the end of the track, so her attention can go elsewhere. She drops into a novel and relaxes. Finally she arrives at the end of the line, where she can begin to walk.
She walks in a new spirit, her hope refilled. As she climbs the steep cobbled street she wonders where she should go. The starting place is the pilgrims office and she happens upon it. The kindness of Benedicte, a joy-filled guide, makes the woman want to cry. The pleasure of knowing that from here she will walk and discover angels. For here is the place she’s worried about getting and from here the path is laid before her, and if all else fails her… The Woman will simply Walk and Breathe.
