Tag Archives: Mindfulness

Las Vegas, NV

We’re All Just Stories in the End

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Several times this week I’ve found myself thinking “If only others could read this blog I’m writing in my head, they’d be inspired!” So here I am, taking myself back to the blog to take things out of my head, and maybe… just maybe… inspire others.

The Strip, Las Vegas, NV

When I last left you I was telling the story of my wandering across Spain on the Camino de Santiago, almost 2 years ago. A lot has happened in that time. I now find myself in Las Vegas, a place I would’ve preferred to never return. It brings back the week after my miscarriage, drunken and grieving on the very steps I’m sitting on now, 8 years ago. This time I’m here for growth, for learning, for connecting.

I’m attending a conference where the courses I’m taking focus on leadership, team building, and strategy. I’m still a wanderer, but now I wander the stories of those in close proximity to me. I wander the lives of those struggling to survive, hoping to impart wisdom and able to impart financial assistance. It’s a role that empowers my inner wild woman, while simultaneously being wrought with struggle and anxiety. This is the culmination of years of wandering and hearing the stories of others.

We are, after all, just stories in the end. A series of short stories, chaotic chapters, and lengthy novels. The journey to wander is the longest inside us.

1 of 14 Life Labyrith “Seek”

We are, inside each of us, a winding labyrinth that continues to move through ourselves over and over, developing the next step. If you’ve been lucky enough to buy one of this series you know that you’re endlessly connected to the others, known and unknown, who have also purchased one of these pieces.

People watching is almost as interesting as hearing their stories. So here I sit in vegas, wondering about all of the many stories I watch walk past. The Indian gal who picked up a diaper from the path to throw it away. The couples dressed to the nines, gorgeous and grand. The families and couples. The mother and daughter signing words to each other. So many stories untold to me, but lived every day.

I want to put up a sign that says “Tell me a story” and see who stops. On the Camino we were always telling our stories to each other. As a leader I hear the stories of my team and of the households they help. I have my own story, so often untold, until a kindred spirit insisted. I’m a human body full of so many stories, my own and others. Many get locked deep in a chest to respect and honor the storyteller. Many I get to pass on in tidbits of wisdom shared by others. Many are stories of how I’ve encountered my own wisdom.

This conference has such a focus on taking time to hear the stories of those in our agencies. They talk about development, about GROWTH, and how that means we can’t one-size fits all our leadership. It may seem easier to project my own motivations, desires, and needs on others… but easier is not connective, healing, “agape” love.

So I’ve wandered into a new space of introspection and extrospection. I watch people in the world around me a little closer. I make eye contact with love in my eyes and if I’m lucky enough to have someone impart their story on me… well I try my hardest to love them, see them, and honor them.

After all, we’re all just stories in the end, and stories are beautiful.

Camino de Santiago Frances, Spain

Finding New Life

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I’m struggling on this journey with habits and patterns that I have created at home to manage myself and my PTSD.
If I were home right now I would be sleeping, because it’s still morning. I might go out to work at Starbucks today. I may spend time painting or drawing. I would likely sit outside at the picnic table, enjoying the last days of summer with Janelle before she goes back to work. I’d have made a coffee, and then another, and likely a third. I wouldn’t have eaten anything yet. I’d likely spend a lot of time indoors, binging Netflix or reading a novel. Possibly, I would do some household chores and rearrange the living room for the millionth time. Tomorrow I would do the same, just as this is what I did yesterday. Life became stale. I was complacent in my maximum isolation. So full of thoughts, and hopes, and desires, but not moving towards anything, just talking it in circles and writing down ideas.
This morning I had one cafe con leche and a ham and cheese sandwich. I packed my bag and I hit the road. I greeted others in kindness and compassion for our mutual journey and struggles up hills. I drank lots of water. I stopped and meditated in my surroundings, not concerned with those going past at faster speeds than I. I drank more water and ate a small muffin. I heard music and I stopped to sing along as the Guitarist played Stand By Me (Ben E. King). I encouraged myself to keep moving on the hills, but to stop, look around, and look up. I discovered that what I thought were dates were actually almonds. Who knew they grew on trees in green pods? I didn’t, nor did the three French women who showed it to me, explaining in French. I don’t speak French, but we understood each other all the same.
I found an old cistern on the top of a hill and I stopped to meditate again. Maybe someone took my picture, or they were just catching the view. Someone walked by and told me “Namaste”. I continued to meditate and breathe. When I opened my eyes everything was brighter, my sight was clearer. Even the ants on my bag didn’t ruin my day. I wondered why it is that I avoid meditating regularly. Is lack of peace such a comfortable place?
I arrived at my destination and felt as if I had not come far enough today, but I’m learning I must make myself pause, even when my body insists it can go further. I fed, cleaned, and embraced my body for its strength and resilience. I interact with others through smile and greeting, feeling akin. This is a life one cannot find binging netflix in the living room. I do believe this is a life we can find by stepping out our front door. There is no need to travel, though I highly encourage it. Seeing and experiencing other cultures gives us perspectives to grow and love better. I hope and believe that everyone can take their own journey and not only finds new ways to embrace life, but like I have on this trail, find that life is embracing you back.