Often in my daily life I hear a request for quantitative metrics to support actions I am doing or suggesting they take at work. When looking at metrics that is compiled there are two main types, quantitative and qualitative. Quantitative metrics is about numbers. These metrics can be easily compiled into a pie chart, a bar graph, or any number of tools available that give a simple picture of a situation. It allows a person or company to look at specific information and compare it to each other to better understand the service or product. I appreciate quantitative metrics, it gives me a good picture of what is going on. Despite the popularity of quantitative metrics, I love qualitative metrics even more so.
Qualitative metrics, or data, is descriptive in nature. It is harder to organize qualitative data into a nice clean pretty graphic that can be understood by the masses. To me qualitative data tells a story. I am a storyteller. Stories are about life, and life is hardly ever only nice, clean, and pretty. The more I hear pressure to ensure that I can have quantitative metrics, the more I begin to wonder what these metrics can really tell us. Sometimes it seems like it becomes so much pressure to have good metrics that the reason behind why we do things changes or maybe doesn’t even exist anymore.
I have coined the term “Be Human, don’t check boxes.” I seem to say it a lot in explanation for why I want to do things differently than those around me. Though I see the good of quantitative metrics I more resoundingly hear the stories of quality. This doesn’t mean that we should stop measuring the numbers and making pretty little graphics. What I mean is I believe in my life that if you are human then the boxes will check themselves.
What does being human look like?
Being human is the essence of knowing your story, listening to someone else’s story, and processing what that means. If we only ever look at numbers then we miss the real picture. We miss the things that are between the numbers. Being human is about being focused on listening. It is doing the right thing because it is for the good of another person or even just for the good of yourself. When you put the qualitative data, the human story, before the numbers you have the ability to ask questions. You ask open, Socratic, questions that allow an individual to dig deeper within themselves to find the answers that best fit their life. This is where you will learn the really important things about those around you. Just don’t expect them to fit into your nice little boxes like you may desire.
If someone took the time to listen to you and help you process information and seek your own answers, what do you suppose the survey results might look like? In my world, when someone listens, respects, and honors my decisions I attempt to ensure that they receive accolades for a job well done. If you are human and treat me as human then I will respond in kind fulfilling your need for metrics. Consider those around you that you interact with. The ones that you are drawn back to, that you become friends with, are typically the ones who listen to you and respect you. We all have issues in our lives, and some of us are trying to get over listening to the negative voices and allowing people to treat us poorly. If you don’t think that you are surrounded by people who listen, support, and respect then get out. Be human for yourself!
Being human is about kindness, caring, and compassion. Being human is about being vulnerable and building deep relationships that help you through hard times. Struggles will always come, but the more human we are with one another, the easier we can make the struggle. This is our reality, not a pie chart or a movable bubble graph, but the real heart of life that is seen through the stories we tell. We see the pain and the anguish that occurs in life and through the actions of being human we are able provide comfort. We see the joys and achievements which allow us to celebrate together.
This is why when I schedule one hour for a person, if they need two, I take it, and I work hard to ensure I value that time given to me. I slow my own life down enough to listen to what another person is saying to me. Communication is more than just the words we say, it is the words we don’t say, the way we say them, and how we act when we do this. It is the stepping stone that has built us into this monolithic society which often can overpower the human aspects of our lives. The thing which built us is most easily forgotten in the rush and the pressure of our day to day lives.
I challenge you
I challenge you to ask yourself if you are being human or if you are merely trying to check boxes? Do you slow yourself down long enough to give your child the time they so deserve and desire? Do you pause and look up to give a smile to a stranger on the street? Do you stop to consider what else is going on in a persons life when they are struggling at work? Do you give yourself time to find internal value and provide the self-care that is so important to who you are? Find questions like these to ask yourself and then ask: what would make me more human?
On an occasion I sit down with a person and I just hold space. I reserve the need to provide a response to what they are sharing. Eventually when I break the hold I ask reflective questions based on what they just told me. This allows for the individual to seek their own answers and know I was listening to them. I support them in what they are doing. On occasion those individuals dive even deeper into their story than they originally intended to go. I do not do this to cause distress, I do this because being human comes with emotions. I work to hold space for my friends and those I interact with to feel their emotions and take the time to think over what they are sharing. This is just one way in which I work to be human, instead of checking boxes.
In a society where we all work remotely and the internet is sometimes our best friend and confidant I want to reconnect with those around me. I want to develop myself and those I interact with in a way that is so normal to human nature that it creates a safe space for both of us. Not every person has intentions to be vulnerable, emotional, or even really dig deep. As part of being human I respect their right to reveal what they desire to reveal. I just want to ensure they know I am here for them, and I support them.
In this same mode I have to be human to myself. This is self-care. As I work on a project that looks to understand self-care better a friend asked me “and self-care?” I went off prattling on about the topic I am researching only to have him correct me and say, “no, your self-care?” I laughed in amusement as I responded that what kind of time do I have for my own self-care when I am so busy trying to understand how to help others with their self-care. He just chuckled back and waited for my response. If I want to be human to other people I have to be human to myself. We are actually such fragile creatures, feel free to disagree, but I believe we are. We build up these walls around us and focus on other things. No emotions for me! Though the reality is that if you numb one emotion, you numb them all. So they are all still there, you just decide which ones to let out, while the others just build up. In my needing to be human for myself I feel every single wonderful and horrible emotion that comes with the title of being human. I find ways to care for myself through this roller coaster of life, like writing.
I dare you to evade it forever, for it will find you. It will creep up in the night and you will find some sort of substance or task to build a wall right over that emotion. If you practice self-care and embrace the human that you are, then the walls won’t be as necessary. We won’t try fitting people into boxes anymore. Though quantitative metrics will still be alive and well… Though there are people who will continue to count the beans… we won’t need to focus on checking the boxes, because by being human they will already have been checked.
So today I dare you, how will you be more human?
