It’s so strangely beautiful the way the universe works. There is a synchronization that occurs when we lean in and trust the journey. We can reflect on our past and see the connections that existed to now, even knowing that back then we had no clue. This day 12 years ago I’d been medevac’d from Iraq for a colluded airway, Tonsillitis. I was in the midst of my trauma, struggling to find meaning and connection. I chose to go back to Iraq rather than have my tonsils removed (and go home) and for a long time I held that decision against myself. I’ve since forgiven myself, but not forgotten. Facebook helps me remember and find healing from my trauma. The following “note” from this day 12 years back is no less true today.
This is the complementary route that starts 2km prior to Portomarín Spain on the Camino de Santiago Frances. The background is a recording of myself singing and playing the Ukelele. Enjoy!
I’m struggling on this journey with habits and patterns that I have created at home to manage myself and my PTSD.
If I were home right now I would be sleeping, because it’s still morning. I might go out to work at Starbucks today. I may spend time painting or drawing. I would likely sit outside at the picnic table, enjoying the last days of summer with Janelle before she goes back to work. I’d have made a coffee, and then another, and likely a third. I wouldn’t have eaten anything yet. I’d likely spend a lot of time indoors, binging Netflix or reading a novel. Possibly, I would do some household chores and rearrange the living room for the millionth time. Tomorrow I would do the same, just as this is what I did yesterday. Life became stale. I was complacent in my maximum isolation. So full of thoughts, and hopes, and desires, but not moving towards anything, just talking it in circles and writing down ideas.
This morning I had one cafe con leche and a ham and cheese sandwich. I packed my bag and I hit the road. I greeted others in kindness and compassion for our mutual journey and struggles up hills. I drank lots of water. I stopped and meditated in my surroundings, not concerned with those going past at faster speeds than I. I drank more water and ate a small muffin. I heard music and I stopped to sing along as the Guitarist played Stand By Me (Ben E. King). I encouraged myself to keep moving on the hills, but to stop, look around, and look up. I discovered that what I thought were dates were actually almonds. Who knew they grew on trees in green pods? I didn’t, nor did the three French women who showed it to me, explaining in French. I don’t speak French, but we understood each other all the same.
I found an old cistern on the top of a hill and I stopped to meditate again. Maybe someone took my picture, or they were just catching the view. Someone walked by and told me “Namaste”. I continued to meditate and breathe. When I opened my eyes everything was brighter, my sight was clearer. Even the ants on my bag didn’t ruin my day. I wondered why it is that I avoid meditating regularly. Is lack of peace such a comfortable place?
I arrived at my destination and felt as if I had not come far enough today, but I’m learning I must make myself pause, even when my body insists it can go further. I fed, cleaned, and embraced my body for its strength and resilience. I interact with others through smile and greeting, feeling akin. This is a life one cannot find binging netflix in the living room. I do believe this is a life we can find by stepping out our front door. There is no need to travel, though I highly encourage it. Seeing and experiencing other cultures gives us perspectives to grow and love better. I hope and believe that everyone can take their own journey and not only finds new ways to embrace life, but like I have on this trail, find that life is embracing you back.
People watching is an intriguing way to pass the time. This is especially true in an airport. I traveled through 5 different airports to get to France; Denver, Dallas-Ft-Worth, London Heathrow, London Gatwick, and Biarritz France. If you are playing your favourite song on your headphones and just watching you may not notice the language differences around you. Instead, what you’ll see are people looking a little confused or lost. Wide eyes search for a map or staff member to find their gate or the nearest toilet. People struggle with small children or huge suitcases. Their skin may vary in color, but they’re distinctly them and very human. All the differences fall away as we each try to navigate the journey to our final destination. The journey looks different, it sounds different, but is a journey all the same.
Airport Employees
At various points I would look around, wondering where I was, because I had forgotten while watching these incredible humans be incredibly human. The only sign of differences were the names on the shops, local advertisements, and the different uniforms of the employees. It’s difficult for me to not see each person as a beautiful unique individual. The current push for nationalism and division between cultures, beliefs, and political parties disheartens me and doesn’t mesh with my view of the world.
One of the things I most look forward to on the Camino is the diverse population that I will engage with. I will struggle to communicate and understand all of my interactions, but there is no doubt that I will learn and grow through each encounter. If I only ever know my own culture and language how could I continue to love everyone as they deserve? It is important in each person’s journey to see the lives of others so they might grow in their own life.
Diversity and new experiences increase our ability to define ourselves in our own way. We need options in order to best understand what fits our own unique lives.
T.A.R.D.I.S
During trips as a child, my mom would lead me in a game trying to guess a persons story just by watching them. Sometimes we’d get silly, but other times we would just go with what we saw. I don’t know if my mum was trying to teach me a lesson, or merely play a game. For me though, it was the beginning of exploring people different from me. It opened my imagination to the uniqueness of individuals and how we tell our story through our appearances. It also reminds me that we are more than the view we show others, that we are much bigger on the inside. That of course brings me back to my favourite Doctor Who metaphor… in the end aren’t we all just timey wimey wibbly wobbly adventurers of time and space traveling in a T.A.R.D.I.S. which is much bigger on the inside than it is on the outside?
I think we are. In all of time and space I’ve never met anyone who wasn’t important.
