Today’s plan was to climb Han’s Peak. I thought: ‘this will be great, we drive almost all the way to the top and then climb on the shale to reach the tower at the peak.’ Apparently that is not how Adults climb Hans Peak. We started a little ways up the mountain and then started climbing.

I am frustrated because I am trying to be more active and my bum shoulder really has an issue with it. I can’t hike or run without my shoulder starting to hurt. It takes dedication to hold a proper posture while being active and that’s what I have to do to stop my shoulder from hurting, but then it still hurts anyway. It often feels like a double edged sword. When I suddenly go from a 3/10 to a 6/10 and I am trying to stay engaged and enjoy the activity, well needless to say I want to cry. I took some nice anxiety meds in order to calm that factor down, so I could focus on breathing through the pain.

I don’t know if my dad realized I was struggling, or if he needed to stop for regular breaks, but he was really patient with me. I appreciated it. I feel like I just shouldn’t do things because I don’t want to slow the other people down. I wouldn’t have held it against him to rush on ahead and let me catch up at my won pace. Honestly if he had done that I probably would have just sat down somewhere and cried, because self-pity likes to climb in the hurt basket when my shoulder hurts. I don’t know if in the past he would have stopped, but it never felt like it. Now he is stopping. I wonder how much of what I am perceiving now was true before, but I didn’t see it that way.

I feel like my perceptions are changing to be more open to the fact that people are here for me. That I have a TRibe, a village, and family to lean on. I am not alone, and more and more so each day I feel that. It is especially nice to feel that from my Dad, when we so often have been at odds.

My dad, baby bro, and I were having a good old time. I was trying to get baby bro to teach me what is edible and what isn’t so that I could survive off the land for a day, without starving. His suggestion was for me to read a couple of books and take the time to ensure I was smart about what I was doing. Otherwise I guess I could end up sick or dead… yeah. As we climbed baby bro talked about the forest around us. He is so wise about plants, bugs, and wildlife.

We reached an old cabin that used to belong to the foreman who created Steam Boat Lake. I never knew that the lake was man-made. Not far behind the cabin was a small well that still had a natural spring flow in to it. Sitting right next to it was snow. I had just remarked that I wanted to add playing in the snow in summer to my bucket list. Accomplished! We even had a snowball fight! It was another one of those extremely silly moments, which was spontaneous and kind of ridiculous, but suddenly we weren’t adulting anymore. We were just living and there was no definition between the kid parts and the adult parts of us.

At the top we were standing amongst the clouds as they flowed past us. It had gotten quite chilly at 10,000 feet. It was a beautiful view. Going down went a little bit better, but my dad kept tripping over roots (we swear, the roots moved!). He definitely made my heart skip a beat when he tripped and came flying down the mountain towards me, sliding across the ground. Here I was, having a good time, and he goes and tries to crack his head open. Luckily he brushed it off and was fine to keep on going. I begged him to pick his feet up higher, but he still tripped occasionally and I so I was on stand by to catch him.

After we were done we went to the Columbine store for “Ice Cream” (I got a carrot flavored popsicle… eww ice cream), which was just like what we do when we were kids with the whole family.

My legs were jello, but it was an awesome day! I think I will sleep well tonight. My mom took off back home with my Papa, Eric went back to work, and my Uncle, Dad, and I will leave out tomorrow.

I know where my next stop is… but SPOILERS!

Signing Off Clark, CO

Quite right, the title of this post is a little to the point. I dare you to come up with a better one.

So last night there were fireworks over the lake. It was a spectacular show and I put on some patriotic music to go along with it. The funny thing about fireworks is that they last such a short period of time. I am not as young as I used to, so fireworks just don’t seem as important.

Honestly for an Independence Day, today was not very exciting. My mom and I tried to go get our nails done, but that was a flop due to the holiday. We spent a large portion of the day just hanging out, not doing much. The men went fishing, I took a nap. I am still trying to catch up on sleep from the operations.

My grandfather made his famous pork steaks, which are amazing! I also took a short bike ride. We had Happy Birthday ‘merica cake!

Tomorrow we plan on climbing Hans Peak, my dad, brother, and I. So I needed to rest up today, since I am nicely sunburned from my adventure around the lake yesterday.

I feel like every few days I have a day where I don’t have much to write. I don’t have very many insightful reflections for you to read. I think the moral of this, when it occurs, is that in life we need to take a pause. If I were to go, go, go all the time I wouldn’t be giving my body and mind the time to rest and nourish itself. So make sure to give yourself a break, when you find a day that seems kind of boorish, sit back and read a book, write a letter to a friend, or just watch the scenery out the window. The world will keep rotating, even if you stop to pause and enjoy the quiet moments.

My Papa is getting on in years and is 89, his steps have become unsteady and his world goes slower than that of an average citizen. He loves to fish, always has, but that too is a slower more challenging process. My father took him down to the lake yesterday to find that the spot closest to the parking lot, which papa favors, was lined by families. Never underestimate the kindness of strangers. My father asked the families if he could fit my grandfather in between them, they all agreed and one gentleman offered to move further down stream in order to provide papa plenty of room to catch a fish. The previous day a neighboring fisherman helped my dad out when his line kept jamming as he pulled in a fish. These are just a couple of examples of how good and kind people are in this world. It is a true reflection of the integrity many Americans have, not just because it is a holiday.

We didn’t see any fireworks tonight, as it was just too much of a trek in to town after being so full of delicious pork. My grandfather is a WWII veteran, and being able to eat his pork steaks on Independence Day is far better than watching fireworks. Love to my brothers and sisters who have kept, are keeping, and will keep our country free!

Happy Birthday America!

Signing Off Clark, CO

Waking up in the middle of the mountains after having driven in during the night is like a present you wake up to on Christmas morning. Last night it was all dark, and you could barely see anything without a flashlight. This morning I woke up to coffee and my family on the porch admiring a nice buck out in the field which was topped with gorgeous yellow flowers. This is the place where I spent fond childhood summers and is a nice refresher after several weeks of hard work helping communities. I was almost too stubborn to come, to admit that I had nowhere else to go for July 4th. I love my family to death, but it has often been a struggle to see eye to eye with them. Blood families are more stressful to me, because I have always been trying to live up to some standard that they may or may not be truly setting for me. I have always wanted to make them proud, and if I choose to be different, I worry they won’t understand.

This trip however is fairly low key, my Uncle, Dad, Mom, and Papa are here with me. My baby bro works at the park here, so he is spending time with us also. Today was a pretty cool day. We slept in a bit, then headed out to fish and kayak. I had no intention of fishing, but I did want time on the lake with the Kayak. So I got my wish, and then some.

I have always been drawn to the water… Wait… that’s not true. For whatever reason as a child I was terrified of the water. My mom forced me to take swimming lessons in fourth grade privately because I refused to go in the big pool with my classmates. Something occurred at some time in my life that my fear turned in to accurately fear-based respect for the water. Reading Moby Dick years ago made me wish for the open sea. I was already in the Navy at the time, though I have never been on the open sea, really. I love being on the water. I love being at the beach with the sea-filled air whipping through my hair. The ocean specifically terrifies me, but in a way that I LOVE it. When I started Kayaking last year I quickly fell in love with that as well.

With that in mind I was very excited to take the Kayak out while the others fished today. I quickly made my way to the middle of the water and around the bend from my family. I promptly locked my paddle and laid out to catch some sun. Apparently with my new short hairdo and wearing the hat backwards I had some kids debating (rather loudly) whether I was a boy or girl. The funny part of it is that I am well endowed and there is no way they missed the bathing suit, but I just laughed it off. Especially when the girl says to the boy “SHH, He can hear us, he’s looking!” I enjoyed my time slowly paddling around the water and taking breaks to catch some sun. I was hoping to even out that farmers tan. I had great service in the middle of the lake, so took and posted some selfies (yes yes, I know, but that’s me!) My mom called after a bit to say they were moving. I tried to get them to wait, but apparently they opted to move on too quickly and I paddled too slow.

So there I am, on this huge lake, having no idea where the family is so I can get to them. I knew where the cabin was, but I also knew they were not going back there. As this journey progresses I find the real adventures are the things that happen to me… not anything I have planned. So I started kayaking along the bank, following it towards where I thought they might be. At points I got out and walked in the shallows because I was cramped in the kayak. I got many odd looks from others on the water. I truly didn’t care, except for that 30 seconds of exasperation where I wanted to get mad. Instead of getting mad, I just checked my anxiety (which was the cause of my anger) and accepted the adventure at hand!

Kayakscuse me, but I’m lost… was a phrase I considered using as people went past me on the water. I didn’t ask for help because I was having too much fun using my GPS to navigate me around the lake attempting to find them. Of course eventually I did and then I helped my mom figure out how to Kayak. That was cool.

Wanderers, in order to wander and have adventures you have to accept being outside of your comfort zone. I truly haven’t done anything that unusual from my old self lately. I’ve worried (not as much, but some) about the same things as always and have stayed cautious in all things. When I was in Texas and we jumped in the river fully dressed I felt reckless, but I felt alive. Having to navigate the lake today without a set plan or direction, I felt alive. Neither of which were planned, but my attitude set the course. I hated being comfortable, so now, now I am learning how to enjoy what is uncomfortable. At some point, maybe it will all be comfortable. Until then I am working on moving out of my zone, and explore the new possibilities that truly living life can allow.

Signing off Cow Chip Country Club, Steam Boat Lake, Clark, CO

Okay, I’ll admit it, my dear wanderers, I am bloody exhausted. I got to Denver in the late morning and my dad was still there. I attempted to help him finish putting the Kayak on his car, but resigned myself to not getting in the way and telling him to call if he needed me. My dad is kind of a loner I guess, or at least he never needs my help. It is just easier to let him tackle the task on his own, instead of getting in to an argument or feeling like I am just in the way.

We were all going up to the Lake separately. I needed to nap and do laundry. I threw laundry in and ended up falling asleep. I was coming down off of my deployment high and that usually requires a lot of sleep to heal up from. My shoulders are slightly burned still, but I have a nice farmers tan going on for the most part. I wrapped up my measly errands and nap and hit the road for Steam Boat Lake. My Uncle has a cabin on the backside of the lake and it has always been a favorite spot for me.

I love mountain driving. It always does me good to roll down the windows and breathe in some mountain air, and fly around the curves. I was so at peace during this drive today. Often, when I am driving, I get this sensation of being weightless, like I am lifted off my feet and the world is not sitting on my shoulders pulling me down. I want this to not be an abnormal feeling for me. I would prefer to live my life weightless, just existing and going with the flows of time and space around me. I come up with fanciful stories in my head as I drive, and descriptive terms. I really should write some of these things down for you. I am always reminded of how the well to do used to come to the mountains for the clean air, because it helped their health. Well it helped mine tonight too.

I came upon a sign that warned of no middle line in the road. It was dark and there were cars in front and behind me. I figured that it would be okay, because I’ll just follow the edge of the road. What the sign should have said was “Warning… no road… let alone middle line… just loose gravel… for the next 10 miles.” Oh and PS… there are no street lights, there are curves and people are idiots. Somehow me and all the cars near me survived this wild ride.

It’s all just part of the adventure. So somehow I rolled in to the cabin just shy of my mother and uncle. It was late at night, but I could see the stars, even those funny two planets that made think of aliens and all things Doctor Who.

I am now the family weirdo who brings her own cot everywhere, because it is much more comfortable than sleeping in a bed for me. So I set that up, which fascinated both my Papa and my Dad. It was like a new toy, so they enjoyed helping me put it together. They think it is cool how I am so tricked out.

Once everyone was there and the cars were unloaded it was just about time for lights out. My papa has apparently gone to using a bible app on his iPad for his evening devotions. Unfortunately he needed connectivity to open the app (poor formatting). It was so cute when he was mystified that I set up an internet hotspot from my phone and connected his tablet to it. He was so grateful for that small little gesture. One of the hardest things about not living in Colorado anymore is not being near him. I worry for the day he passes on to the next life, because he is just such a great Papa. Even though he kept interrupting me as I meditated, asking me if I was praying. Only for my Papa will I break meditation to answer his questions.

Well I better head off to bed now myself.

Signing Off Steam Boat Lake Park, Clark, CO