Again today I did not get out of the house during the day. I suppose that the moral of OKC for me is that it is too hot in July to leave the house. Therefore maybe it is not the place for me. Either that, or I don’t really know what and how I am doing what I am doing yet… That’s frustrating! This is supposed to be some epic journey to the center of the world I want to live within. Instead I am walking in circles and not getting outside of my comfort zone in new places.

I think that if it weren’t for following social norms I probably would not have ever left my childhood bedroom. I have for years been seeking more from my life, and by my own ruler I have fallen short. Others maybe don’t think so, but I fear I have failed myself. Do I have to know what the treasure is I am looking for in order to find it? Because thus far I have no map to follow to an “x” which marks the spot. I am searching for the “x” without a map. How do I find a map?

The highlight today was dinner with friends followed by visiting the Oklahoma City Bombing Memorial. This site is near and dear to my friend Misty. She was there, she served her community on that devastating day. For me, all I recall was blips of news stories, and a lot of sadness I didn’t quite comprehend. Why would somebody blow up a building, a building with children, let alone adults? I still don’t know that I will ever understand why someone would do that.

The memorial is beautiful. It is a grand place of remembrance, one which tells a story of those lost and those who have suffered. Memorials are so morbid, a place where you go to mull over the suffering and despair of a group of people. I often find I am not comfortable at memorials. How am I supposed to react? Why do we choose to relive this? Are our memories of the events not enough?

Maybe some of those questions were answered as Misty walked me through her memories, through the explanations. She doesn’t have to carry what she recalls alone, she can take people to the memorial and know that she is not alone in remembering. So this becomes a healing act. Misty is part of my TRibe, my community. I wish to share her burdens and her sorrows. So even if I don’t my place at a memorial which did not impact me when the incident occurred. I sure as heck know my place is by the side of my friend, who still grieves so many years later. I find myself glad that she has a safe, beautiful place to go to and remember the things she will never forget, and I pray that the memorial brings solace to so many.

So tonight I may not have a road map, or know where my story is going… but I do know that being an integral loving part of my friends lives is a very big piece of the puzzle. I love you Misty. Thanks for letting me come hide in your house!

Signing off Oklahoma City, OK.

Today I am likely a terrible wanderer. What is this propensity I have for procrastination, sleeping all day, and not fulfilling these awesome adventures I plan? It is the same propensity which leaves me writing about this day many weeks after the fact. I struggle with keeping to my goals and plans. One of the easy things when working (even though I often showed up late in the morning) was to accomplish the tasks that were laid out for me by the job and the company I worked for.

I am not without thoughts and innovation of my own. I know this, people in my life know this. I don’t have the follow through necessary to accomplish tasks. As I have been traveling I have begun to make a list of things I wish to improve upon. I have not been blind to my failings, but I have never taken the time to account for them. Today was not a day that I overcame failings.

I enjoyed sleeping in today and being lazy. The problem is that being lazy is my favorite pass-time. There are things I wish to accomplish. When I awoke to the blazing heat outside, I decided I didn’t want to leave the house. I finally convinced myself to leave the house to run for items at Wal-Mart. Then I made my sister a wedding journal that she can record her wedding plans in. I hope she uses it. I am so excited for her to get it.

I regret however not accomplishing tasks on my to-do list. I also am upset at myself for not really exploring OKC. How can I find a new place to live and love if I don’t get out there? I made the leap in to this journey, but I feel I am falling short in the follow through. What is it I am missing? This is a question I need to start asking myself. I have so many tools in my toolbox, but have not yet overcome these seemingly simple hurdles.

The beauty of the day was a home cooked from Misty. I often find myself eating fast food, and miss making meals. Tonight’s was extremely delicious. Good food is always made better by good conversation. As I travel I begin to value my friendships even more. The fact that Misty put thought in to a meal to help me feel more at home was especially thoughtful of her. Often people are surprised by the kindness of strangers, but the kindness of friends is even more sweet and surprising. Relationships can often become stable and complacent, the spark can even leave friendships. The relationship gets taken for granted and there is less expected. Amazing friends are those friends who continue to go out of their way to serve those they are close to. Misty has helped me wake up in the morning, with sweet calls, good morning texts to get my days started, and when I come to visit opens her home and prepares me a meal, hoping it makes me feel at home.

Being on the road is not easy. So far I have slept in a multitude of strange places, on couches, cots, spare beds, my tent. It is an interesting adventure, but I do miss the home feeling sometimes. Especially the days where I am moving to a new place every day. Coming to visit Misty was amazing because she has left an open door policy for me to come and share her home whenever I need to get away. It is friends like Misty who help support me as I am journeying. They listen, encourage, and make this possible.

These relationships are not a one way street. I work to provide service, love, and care in return to each friend. It is work to have a relationship with anyone and to take care of one another. Community is important, especially if you choose to wander. When I was not wandering I did not understand the need to rely on my community, but now I couldn’t imagine living without these people who make up my community. Wanderer, work on those relationships, build trust, service, and value, with those in your community. I wish you luck.

As you see, every day has balance. There are things one may regret or struggle with, but there are also valuable life-giving moments. I can chalk up my laziness to my need to rest, which is of value. I cannot be disappointed in myself because that does not move me forward. Moments where I have made a choice that I am not happy with are learning moments that I am tracking in order to overcome these obstacles I feel in my life.

Signing off Oklahoma City, OK

Wanderers, you should determine for yourself how long is too long on the road. I think today may have been too long for me, but was well worth it. I have reached Misty’s house in Oklahoma, A BRAND NEW STATE!

One of my major flaws is the inability to wake up early. I am not sure if being a night owl or a morning person is in our nature when we are born, but I recall mornings always being a struggle. It is an item on my list of things I would like to alter about myself. It is also one of the few items I fear I will never succeed at. Due to my inability to wake up early I hit the road later than planned. I had not repacked my car and organized everything to my liking before this morning. So after waking up late I reorganized my entire car. It is one area that I have been a bit OCD on this journey.

I had intended to meet up with Misty and the local Team RWB for a Flag Run, followed by a social. I arrived as everyone was getting their tab at the end of the social. It was a very very long day in the end. Initially I thought the drive was only 6 hours, turns out it was 10. That was not due to slow driving, that was due to my inability to understand geography. I used to think I was so good at geography and maps, this journeying is really making me start to wonder.

I hope to see OKC tomorrow, while Misty works. We stayed up way too late chatting tonight and catching up, but it was well worth it. The great thing about my friend Misty is that we met once over a year ago on a Team Rubicon Operation. It shows the connections we feel and find within the organization when relationships are built off of a single meeting. We have kept in touch through Facebook and texting, getting to know each other.  So this evening was our second face to face meeting, and it felt as if we were always in the same area.

Seeing as this is my first stop in a really new location, and part of my journey is to determine a new location to settle, I hope to have some time to visit around OKC and see if this is an atmosphere I would like to live in. I am grateful to be back on the road and am looking forward to what tomorrow holds!

Signing off Oklahoma City, OK