Often in my daily life I hear a request for quantitative metrics to support actions I am doing or suggesting they take at work. When looking at metrics that is compiled there are two main types, quantitative and qualitative. Quantitative metrics is about numbers. These metrics can be easily compiled into a pie chart, a bar graph, or any number of tools available that give a simple picture of a situation. It allows a person or company to look at specific information and compare it to each other to better understand the service or product. I appreciate quantitative metrics, it gives me a good picture of what is going on. Despite the popularity of quantitative metrics, I love qualitative metrics even more so.
Qualitative metrics, or data, is descriptive in nature. It is harder to organize qualitative data into a nice clean pretty graphic that can be understood by the masses. To me qualitative data tells a story. I am a storyteller. Stories are about life, and life is hardly ever only nice, clean, and pretty. The more I hear pressure to ensure that I can have quantitative metrics, the more I begin to wonder what these metrics can really tell us. Sometimes it seems like it becomes so much pressure to have good metrics that the reason behind why we do things changes or maybe doesn’t even exist anymore.
I have coined the term “Be Human, don’t check boxes.” I seem to say it a lot in explanation for why I want to do things differently than those around me. Though I see the good of quantitative metrics I more resoundingly hear the stories of quality. This doesn’t mean that we should stop measuring the numbers and making pretty little graphics. What I mean is I believe in my life that if you are human then the boxes will check themselves.
What does being human look like?
Being human is the essence of knowing your story, listening to someone else’s story, and processing what that means. If we only ever look at numbers then we miss the real picture. We miss the things that are between the numbers. Being human is about being focused on listening. It is doing the right thing because it is for the good of another person or even just for the good of yourself. When you put the qualitative data, the human story, before the numbers you have the ability to ask questions. You ask open, Socratic, questions that allow an individual to dig deeper within themselves to find the answers that best fit their life. This is where you will learn the really important things about those around you. Just don’t expect them to fit into your nice little boxes like you may desire.
If someone took the time to listen to you and help you process information and seek your own answers, what do you suppose the survey results might look like? In my world, when someone listens, respects, and honors my decisions I attempt to ensure that they receive accolades for a job well done. If you are human and treat me as human then I will respond in kind fulfilling your need for metrics. Consider those around you that you interact with. The ones that you are drawn back to, that you become friends with, are typically the ones who listen to you and respect you. We all have issues in our lives, and some of us are trying to get over listening to the negative voices and allowing people to treat us poorly. If you don’t think that you are surrounded by people who listen, support, and respect then get out. Be human for yourself!
Being human is about kindness, caring, and compassion. Being human is about being vulnerable and building deep relationships that help you through hard times. Struggles will always come, but the more human we are with one another, the easier we can make the struggle. This is our reality, not a pie chart or a movable bubble graph, but the real heart of life that is seen through the stories we tell. We see the pain and the anguish that occurs in life and through the actions of being human we are able provide comfort. We see the joys and achievements which allow us to celebrate together.
This is why when I schedule one hour for a person, if they need two, I take it, and I work hard to ensure I value that time given to me. I slow my own life down enough to listen to what another person is saying to me. Communication is more than just the words we say, it is the words we don’t say, the way we say them, and how we act when we do this. It is the stepping stone that has built us into this monolithic society which often can overpower the human aspects of our lives. The thing which built us is most easily forgotten in the rush and the pressure of our day to day lives.
I challenge you
I challenge you to ask yourself if you are being human or if you are merely trying to check boxes? Do you slow yourself down long enough to give your child the time they so deserve and desire? Do you pause and look up to give a smile to a stranger on the street? Do you stop to consider what else is going on in a persons life when they are struggling at work? Do you give yourself time to find internal value and provide the self-care that is so important to who you are? Find questions like these to ask yourself and then ask: what would make me more human?
On an occasion I sit down with a person and I just hold space. I reserve the need to provide a response to what they are sharing. Eventually when I break the hold I ask reflective questions based on what they just told me. This allows for the individual to seek their own answers and know I was listening to them. I support them in what they are doing. On occasion those individuals dive even deeper into their story than they originally intended to go. I do not do this to cause distress, I do this because being human comes with emotions. I work to hold space for my friends and those I interact with to feel their emotions and take the time to think over what they are sharing. This is just one way in which I work to be human, instead of checking boxes.
In a society where we all work remotely and the internet is sometimes our best friend and confidant I want to reconnect with those around me. I want to develop myself and those I interact with in a way that is so normal to human nature that it creates a safe space for both of us. Not every person has intentions to be vulnerable, emotional, or even really dig deep. As part of being human I respect their right to reveal what they desire to reveal. I just want to ensure they know I am here for them, and I support them.
In this same mode I have to be human to myself. This is self-care. As I work on a project that looks to understand self-care better a friend asked me “and self-care?” I went off prattling on about the topic I am researching only to have him correct me and say, “no, your self-care?” I laughed in amusement as I responded that what kind of time do I have for my own self-care when I am so busy trying to understand how to help others with their self-care. He just chuckled back and waited for my response. If I want to be human to other people I have to be human to myself. We are actually such fragile creatures, feel free to disagree, but I believe we are. We build up these walls around us and focus on other things. No emotions for me! Though the reality is that if you numb one emotion, you numb them all. So they are all still there, you just decide which ones to let out, while the others just build up. In my needing to be human for myself I feel every single wonderful and horrible emotion that comes with the title of being human. I find ways to care for myself through this roller coaster of life, like writing.
I dare you to evade it forever, for it will find you. It will creep up in the night and you will find some sort of substance or task to build a wall right over that emotion. If you practice self-care and embrace the human that you are, then the walls won’t be as necessary. We won’t try fitting people into boxes anymore. Though quantitative metrics will still be alive and well… Though there are people who will continue to count the beans… we won’t need to focus on checking the boxes, because by being human they will already have been checked.
So today I dare you, how will you be more human?
I use all the worldly logic to argue with the fairy creatures and beasts who speak of things that do not exist and we are incapable of. I am an impossible person. I listen to those people from my normal world that have followed me to insist that I cannot fly, and that there is no Narnia. They insist that the world is black and white, or simply shades of gray. They’ve convinced me that every Zebras skin is exactly the same as any other and old dogs will never learn new tricks. The impossible people encourage me to believe that things are impossible. That people will always cheat the system if they can. That we need to guard and defend from those who want to use us, even at the expense of those who may truly need us.
The words for this dream slip from my fingertips onto the page just as quickly as the images begin to disappear from my awoken mind. The urgency with which I felt the need to write these things speaks loudly to my awake self. Dreams are the communication between the conscious and the subconscious. It is the place that tells me I am starting to heal, or starting to turn in a good direction. It is where the depths in myself communicates, processes, and guides me through the struggles of my awake life. My dreams are not normally good places as I work to process past traumas. This dream did not start as a good dream. It changed though, it changed into an impassioned possible thing. As I tossed off the hold of the impossible people my soul was given the chance to express and inspire my waking moments. It is the part of me that spent several hours on the phone Monday with my best friend making plans to do incredible things and have incredible adventures. It is the part of me that I worry I will lose and I work so hard to keep.
I am daily working to implement new things which provide good self-care. I know that I will stop searching for Narnia if I do not give care to myself. I know that more things will become impossible because I fail to take care of myself in the best possible ways. I dream these dreams because my subconscious knows that we are headed in the right direction and it is encouraging me on. My inner Wild Woman is reminding me to dance and to be a possible person.
I hope you find inspiration and seek the 5 minutes or the moments that bring you hope for the future. Happy New Year! Happy New Day! Happy 5 Minutes! Happy Moment!
I spent the last few weeks preparing gifts for everyone in my office. I figured I would sneak in early or late and just put a little stocking full of goodies on each desk. Then they asked me to do morning inspiration. Tuesday was supposed to be the day, so I began prepping a Santa costume (hence the red sweater from earlier). Unfortunately my pain got so back Monday night that I visited the local VA ER for assistance and swapped days for inspiration. Even though I was still in pain and feeling really crummy this outfit helped me find a new attitude so I could go to work and not just lay in bed all day. I showed up around lunch time and immediately took my Santa bag from desk to desk saying “Ho, ho, ho, Merry Christmas!” then handed them each a stocking and tried to quickly disappear. It was quite a surprise and delight for everyone, myself included.
I decided that I would save Cindy for Thursday, so what would I do for Wednesday. I thought long and hard about what Christmas character I had not yet done but would be simple to pull off with normal clothes. I found my answer in reindeer antlers. Not to mention I put together a super cute chocolate brown outfit that I was very comfy in and can wear again. There is just something special about being in the season that has helped me move through the days. The funny thing is that unlike most years, I had to really hunt for reindeer antlers, finally finding them at Walgreens. That was my fifth stop. Just the shopping for the outfits was really therapeutic for me though, so I really enjoyed the challenge and the hunt.
Dressed as Cindy Lou Who was the perfect outfit to inspire those in my workplace to choose love not hate. To inspire them to love themselves for they can better love others and begin a spiral effect of everyone loving everyone. It can make the world a better place. In How the Grinch Stole Christmas, Cindy Lou Who was able to show him love and patience while teaching him about community and celebrating. In the end his heart grew three sizes. The Grinch learned to love and Cindy Lou discovered the meaning of Christmas again. The world continues to turn and it is important to not let our emotions or struggles hold us back. This holiday season I have been reminded that life can be light and silly. That I can create my own motivations and treatments based on who I am as a person.
I dare not tell you these words, because you will likely call me sensitive. I dare not speak these words because then I will be labeled a drama queen. I dare not share these words for fear of being considered a bitch.
If I behave in a way that describes these words, then that should also be honored. I should not be forced to say many of these words. A lot of this has to do with not assuming things about a person. It is about respecting them. The saying is not “do unto others as you wish done unto yourself” it is “do unto others as THEY wish done unto themselves.” It is okay to ask permission before touching a person, to have direct conversations about if something is okay or not, if it makes them comfortable or not. Maybe I don’t want to be hugged today even if you hug me every other time, but I should feel that telling you that is not going to damage our relationship. The next step is to let it be, accept the answer, stop asking the questions over and over. I trust you will tell me if you need something, give the same trust to me.
