Today I witnessed my sister, Chebe, marry her best friend. There has been something about the journey this summer that came to a culmination in my heart as I stood next to Chebe and heard them speak their vows. I wasn’t a cold person before, but I believe that I suffered from jealousy of what others had that I did not have. The love I have in my heart at this very moment for my sister, her new husband, and his whole family is almost overwhelming.

I have worked the last couple of days to try and help the newly weds not be so stressed. I love helping ensure that weddings go off without a hitch, even if I was jealous that it was not my wedding. This wedding however, the feelings had more to do with how can I be of service to these people that I love? It became overwhelming when upon pausing I realized that it is becoming natural to serve and love without hard feelings of jealousy and selfishness. I had always striven for such a thing, but was so wrapped up in my own imperfections.

During the get to know you time between families I shared about my journey. Each day I get more and more comfortable sharing the ups and the downs of my journey. It is not described as being perfect, but then again it is not described as being miserable. I now admit that I am homeless and unemployed. It is my reality and I am not making excuses for it.

In speaking with one guest, it surprised me at what words caught her in an emotional moment.

Me: “I travel around the country in my car, I don’t live in one place and make money where I can.”

Her: “Who do you travel with?”

Me: “I travel alone and visit people along the way.”

At this point she kept repeating “Alone, you travel alone?”

I didn’t understand at first. I thought her reaction was in regards to my safety, which I have often heard from people. I kept reassuring her I was safe and smart about what I did and where I went. She finally corrected me and told me that she is not concerned for my safety, but she could not imagine being alone for all that time. I haven’t thought about that in a few weeks, the loneliness. I felt it, when I was driving to Oklahoma and when I cried in Ohio… it is that moment where you have only yourself to deal with. She continued on to tell me that she did not like herself, never has, and could not imagine having to be with only herself for all that time.

I remember those days, where I didn’t like myself. There are days still where I am not happy with myself and I would prefer to ignore myself. I have more days where I am just okay being me now. There is success in the journey I am walking. There is also sharing in this journey and the opportunity to make people think about things they maybe would not have thought about.

My sister’s wedding was a joyous occasion. They both know who they are, and they know each other. They are best friends and couldn’t imagine not being together. They each have a personal journey to follow, but know that they will be better and stronger together, rather than apart. I think the answer is that you know when you know. It is instinctual, and amazing. I was glad to celebrate that today and I was glad to share my story with new friends who will stay in touch and follow the journey.

Signing off, Long Beach, CA