Again today I did not get out of the house during the day. I suppose that the moral of OKC for me is that it is too hot in July to leave the house. Therefore maybe it is not the place for me. Either that, or I don’t really know what and how I am doing what I am doing yet… That’s frustrating! This is supposed to be some epic journey to the center of the world I want to live within. Instead I am walking in circles and not getting outside of my comfort zone in new places.
I think that if it weren’t for following social norms I probably would not have ever left my childhood bedroom. I have for years been seeking more from my life, and by my own ruler I have fallen short. Others maybe don’t think so, but I fear I have failed myself. Do I have to know what the treasure is I am looking for in order to find it? Because thus far I have no map to follow to an “x” which marks the spot. I am searching for the “x” without a map. How do I find a map?
The highlight today was dinner with friends followed by visiting the Oklahoma City Bombing Memorial. This site is near and dear to my friend Misty. She was there, she served her community on that devastating day. For me, all I recall was blips of news stories, and a lot of sadness I didn’t quite comprehend. Why would somebody blow up a building, a building with children, let alone adults? I still don’t know that I will ever understand why someone would do that.
The memorial is beautiful. It is a grand place of remembrance, one which tells a story of those lost and those who have suffered. Memorials are so morbid, a place where you go to mull over the suffering and despair of a group of people. I often find I am not comfortable at memorials. How am I supposed to react? Why do we choose to relive this? Are our memories of the events not enough?
Maybe some of those questions were answered as Misty walked me through her memories, through the explanations. She doesn’t have to carry what she recalls alone, she can take people to the memorial and know that she is not alone in remembering. So this becomes a healing act. Misty is part of my TRibe, my community. I wish to share her burdens and her sorrows. So even if I don’t my place at a memorial which did not impact me when the incident occurred. I sure as heck know my place is by the side of my friend, who still grieves so many years later. I find myself glad that she has a safe, beautiful place to go to and remember the things she will never forget, and I pray that the memorial brings solace to so many.
So tonight I may not have a road map, or know where my story is going… but I do know that being an integral loving part of my friends lives is a very big piece of the puzzle. I love you Misty. Thanks for letting me come hide in your house!
Signing off Oklahoma City, OK.