Dear wanderer, assume that tomorrow will be a better day, because often it is. So as I indicated yesterday, I made an assumption that today would rip the last nerves in my body to shreds. I feared dealing with my command, instead choosing that they are the enemy. However, the entire purpose of them requesting my presence was to actually listen to me. To have an open discussion and value what I have to say.

I had opted prior to arriving at drill to take an observers stance, attempt to just get through the day. Upon arrival my OIC requested a conference with me. I say requested because he approached me with the utmost respect and inquired as to if I’d be willing to have a conversation with him. There are persons of rank in the military who value their subordinates as people, not merely as tools in the game of war.

My OIC happens to be one of those. Honestly, I wasn’t expecting much. Instead I got more information than I could imagine. I was proud that I managed to have a civil conversation without letting my anxiety affect me negatively. In the end it was a significantly productive day. Granted productive doesn’t mean my situation with the navy is changing, but I felt heard and valued. Sometimes that is over half the point to laugh.

There will always be circumstances beyond our control, but knowing that you have value and are heard makes those things easier to accept. I also shared my story with the officer. I felt safe and protected, cared for, worth something to someone in the navy at a higher rank. I showed up feeling helpless, but wanting to be honorable. I did not see the possibility of value in today’s actions. I hoped I could give respect where I felt I would receive none.

It eased my soul to be so cared for. A good question to ask is what was different this weekend from before? I have traveled for many weeks now. I have struggled and been forced to be open with myself. This has opened me up to other people. My hope is getting stronger than my fear.

I won’t soon forget this day, or these poignant points of transition. If I do, hopefully you can remind me. Be at ease, dear wanderers, tomorrow you can succeed, where today you worried.

Signing off Des Moines, IA